The Warning Signs of Stalking

One of CAV's main goals in publishing “Everybody's Business” is to alert people to warning signs of sexual and domestic violence and child and elder abuse. This is in hopes you will recognize indicators and reach out for help.

 

In recent columns, we've given information of what to look for in cases of grooming and gaslighting. This week, we focus on another strategy used by offenders: stalking.

 

CAV's experience shows stalking is often used by those committing sexual and domestic violence: 75% of women murdered by an intimate partner had been stalked previously by them. (Most often stalking victims are female, but males can be stalked too.) Sexual predators frequently stalk their victim before sexually assaulting them.

 

Some acts stalkers commit are clearly criminal, like assault or property damage. But others can initially appear harmless or innocent. Like you may get a call from an acquaintance who says they mistakenly dialed you. Then they may forward a website link to you. Then a chance meeting at a store.

 

Most times such contacts are innocent. But if these “chance” contacts increase in number and you start to feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts. Here are some other signs of stalking:

  • Repeated non-consensual communication, such as phone calls, emails, texts, or unwanted gifts
  • Repeated physical or visual proximity, like waiting for you at a certain location, following you, or watching you from a distance
  • Any other behavior used to contact, harass, track, or threaten you

Legally in New Mexico, stalking is defined as someone "knowingly pursuing a pattern of conduct, without lawful authority, directed at a specific individual when the person intends that the pattern of conduct would place the individual in reasonable apprehension of death, bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement or restraint of the individual or another individual."

 

Because the alleged stalker must be doing so “knowingly” with an intentional “pattern of conduct” in order to be found guilty, it puts a burden on victims, law enforcement, and prosecutors to prove these elements.

 

Often, the stalker will argue that any pursuing, harassing, or contacting the victim was not on purpose, mere coincidence. That sending flowers or greeting cards, money, or gifts were merely expressions of affection – not dangerous or threatening.

 

Therefore, it's critically important that you collect evidence. Stalkers may take advantage of the internet to make contact remotely – keep any emails, texts, or social media postings from the stalker (take screen shots too). They may use tracking technology like GPS, remote video cameras, software tracking systems, or hacking personal computers, among others. If it’s safe for you to do so, take photos of any contact with the stalker and have your family/friends/neighbors/coworkers do that too. If possible, screen your phone calls.

 

Then, as with any contact, whether it’s written, verbal, or in-person, make notes as soon as possible, while your memory is fresh, including dates and time. CAV has stalking incident and behavior logs that can be used to track incidents and help with information and safety planning.

 

If you think you are being stalked or may be in immediate danger, call 911. Alert trusted friends, family, and coworkers of the situation. Take threats seriously.

 

Whether you decide to contact law enforcement or not, call CAV's 24-hour helpline (575)758-9888 for free, confidential help. Or call Victim Connect (855)484-2846; National Domestic Violence Hotline (800)799-7233 [TTY (800)787-3224]; National Sexual Assault Hotline (800)656-4673; or visit StalkingAwareness.org.

 

Again, trust your instincts.

 

Malinda Williams is the executive director of Community Against Violence (CAV) which offers FREE confidential support and assistance for child and adult survivors of sexual and domestic violence, dating violence, stalking, and child/elder abuse; community and school violence prevention programs; re-education groups for people using power and control in their relationships; counseling; shelter; transitional housing; and community thrift store. To talk or get information on services, call CAV’s 24-hour Helpline at 575-758-9888. TaosCAV.org